A dose of reality
Just got the information about my itinerary....
OMG!OMG!OMG!OMG!OMG!OMG!OMG!OMG!OMG!OMG!OMG!OMG!
There is something monumental when you see things in print. I mean, up until now, most of the preparations for my trip have been theoretical. Yes, there have been emails. Yes, there have been some documents exchanged, but the bulk of what I have done has been planning and training. Then, just the other day, I received my itinerary for the trip. The particulars about what time we will be getting up, the way the day will (probably) progress, what will happen when I get off the plane in Tanzania, what-I-need-to-be-sure-to-do-before-I-leave-otherwise-I-will-regret-it-and-possibly-not-be-able-to-complete-the-trek-that-I-have-been-training-for-all-of-these-weeks! When I opened the email and printed out those pages, my stomach leapt. Joy, yes, but also abject terror.
Five weeks, FIVE WEEKS, from today I will be touching down in Africa! OMG! Even writing those words makes my heart pound a little bit faster. I am actually going to do this. I have signed the waiver that said that, if I die, I won't hold anyone responsible, and I won't come back to haunt them for the rest of their days. I have amassed the gear that I need, and have even done a practice pack, to make sure that everything fits in the bag and is underweight. I have been working my butt off in the gym and outside, sweating more than I think I have ever done in my whole life. I think that I am almost ready. The goal of the next few weeks is to try to contain the excitement, and channel it into my training. Pushing through the lingering fear of the unknown, and trying to keep the surges of nausea at bay when I am talking about it to other people. It is all good. It is not all comfortable, but it is all good.
This is definitely the biggest, scariest, most challenging, most exciting, and most daring thing I have ever done. I can literally feel my comfort zone expanding every day. I have been trying things, and doing things, I have never considered before. I am changing things up in my every day life, to try to keep myself out of a rut. It is so easy for me to settle into a groove, a routine, and just stay there. Even when I feel the boredom and restlessness set in, there I stay. It is comfortable, it is familiar, it is "safe". I have lived my entire life that way. A few risks and challenges, once in a while, but mostly status quo.
During our training we have had themes to each week. Something to think about and journal about while we are scowling through our burpees, and trekking along with our packs. A few weeks ago the theme was discomfort. And the fact that "growth comes from discomfort" was laid before us. Truth. It is an interesting thing. If I really want to change things up in my life, and make it what I want it to be, I have to abandon some of my grooves, and become uncomfortable for a while. And since it usually takes a lot to get me out of those ruts, I am doing it in a big way this time. I think it might be working! There are glimmers of change that are appearing, and that is really exciting.
Someone asked me, the other day, if I thought I would feel different when I was done with this whole adventure. The funny thing is, I have had this image in my head almost from the very beginning. Do you remember the part of the movie The Ten Commandments, when Moses goes up the mountain to get the stone tablets? At the beginning of that journey he has brown hair, he is a little bit discouraged about the direction of his life, and he is needing something to change. When he comes down from the mountain, he has white hair, is carrying a couple of stone tablets with writing on them, and has a new lease on life. He looks like this:
Now I am pretty sure I will not see a burning bush on Kilimanjaro, and I have no intention of carrying two stone tablets in my pack. But there is a certain triumph/confidence/strength in that picture, and I wouldn't mind coming back with some of that. I already have the grey in my hair, so the transformation is beginning!
There is still a lot of work to do, inside and out, but I feel closer to ready than I have, and that is a really big thing for me. Now where did I put those boots?...
OMG!OMG!OMG!OMG!OMG!OMG!OMG!OMG!OMG!OMG!OMG!OMG!
There is something monumental when you see things in print. I mean, up until now, most of the preparations for my trip have been theoretical. Yes, there have been emails. Yes, there have been some documents exchanged, but the bulk of what I have done has been planning and training. Then, just the other day, I received my itinerary for the trip. The particulars about what time we will be getting up, the way the day will (probably) progress, what will happen when I get off the plane in Tanzania, what-I-need-to-be-sure-to-do-before-I-leave-otherwise-I-will-regret-it-and-possibly-not-be-able-to-complete-the-trek-that-I-have-been-training-for-all-of-these-weeks! When I opened the email and printed out those pages, my stomach leapt. Joy, yes, but also abject terror.
This $h*# just got real!
Five weeks, FIVE WEEKS, from today I will be touching down in Africa! OMG! Even writing those words makes my heart pound a little bit faster. I am actually going to do this. I have signed the waiver that said that, if I die, I won't hold anyone responsible, and I won't come back to haunt them for the rest of their days. I have amassed the gear that I need, and have even done a practice pack, to make sure that everything fits in the bag and is underweight. I have been working my butt off in the gym and outside, sweating more than I think I have ever done in my whole life. I think that I am almost ready. The goal of the next few weeks is to try to contain the excitement, and channel it into my training. Pushing through the lingering fear of the unknown, and trying to keep the surges of nausea at bay when I am talking about it to other people. It is all good. It is not all comfortable, but it is all good.
This is definitely the biggest, scariest, most challenging, most exciting, and most daring thing I have ever done. I can literally feel my comfort zone expanding every day. I have been trying things, and doing things, I have never considered before. I am changing things up in my every day life, to try to keep myself out of a rut. It is so easy for me to settle into a groove, a routine, and just stay there. Even when I feel the boredom and restlessness set in, there I stay. It is comfortable, it is familiar, it is "safe". I have lived my entire life that way. A few risks and challenges, once in a while, but mostly status quo.
During our training we have had themes to each week. Something to think about and journal about while we are scowling through our burpees, and trekking along with our packs. A few weeks ago the theme was discomfort. And the fact that "growth comes from discomfort" was laid before us. Truth. It is an interesting thing. If I really want to change things up in my life, and make it what I want it to be, I have to abandon some of my grooves, and become uncomfortable for a while. And since it usually takes a lot to get me out of those ruts, I am doing it in a big way this time. I think it might be working! There are glimmers of change that are appearing, and that is really exciting.
Someone asked me, the other day, if I thought I would feel different when I was done with this whole adventure. The funny thing is, I have had this image in my head almost from the very beginning. Do you remember the part of the movie The Ten Commandments, when Moses goes up the mountain to get the stone tablets? At the beginning of that journey he has brown hair, he is a little bit discouraged about the direction of his life, and he is needing something to change. When he comes down from the mountain, he has white hair, is carrying a couple of stone tablets with writing on them, and has a new lease on life. He looks like this:
There is still a lot of work to do, inside and out, but I feel closer to ready than I have, and that is a really big thing for me. Now where did I put those boots?...
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